fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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