I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
