The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
please don't ironically join a cult
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