It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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