I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
