It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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