Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
