my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
