i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize