I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
