Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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