That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
