Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You were trust falling into bushes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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