Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
