I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am spending my child support on dildos
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
