dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
