that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
