If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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