Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
