There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
