I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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