In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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