He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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