Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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