does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
