did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
