Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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