she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
