I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
