Your mouth is God's brothel.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
