there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
