my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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