I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
