Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
