I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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