I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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