Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
