I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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