she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
