he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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