he shaved USA in his pubs
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
