The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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