We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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