Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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