you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
