I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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