My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
