Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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