You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
