3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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