no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Please don't give away my fajitas
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
