you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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