The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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