He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
