dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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