When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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