Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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