you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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