see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
