i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
