yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
