She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
