I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
this is an emotional support booty call
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
