then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
