I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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