If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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