I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
