Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
