I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
