As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I deserve this hangover.
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