ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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