his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just googled if crying burns calories
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
