now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
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Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?