Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."