i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
