let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.