sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
