Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone

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(248): View more from Michigan

apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(770): View more from Georgia

my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

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(609): View more from New Jersey

why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line

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(289): View more from Ontario

how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???

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(507): View more from Minnesota

do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?

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