OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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