We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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