fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
