You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
