AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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