i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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