I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
