You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
God gave him joint rollers for hands
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
