bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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