Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
