I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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