Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
