My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
