My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
