so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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