Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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